Love

a small word for a vital connection

Dear beautiful reader,

It’s that time of the year: love hearts, flowers and swatches of scarlet bedeck the shops, provoking sweetness or cynicism in equal measure. I’m mostly ambivalent about St. Valentine’s Day, which probably stems from when I was a teenager. I remember people becoming over-invested about the appearance of cards or tokens of affection. There was drama and accusations. Those outside the rarified circles of the ‘coupled-up’ resorted to scoffing at the gullible for falling for an invented holiday¹, since a sardonic attitude is the textbook teenager response to uncomfortable emotions.

A wistful part of me, tucked away for protection, occasionally imagined someone turning up with declarations of love, but the pragmatic part, which was aware that as a nerdy teenaged girl, who was just shy of six feet in height, wore braces, and wasn’t interested in make-up, fashion or sports, that I was unlikely to attract the attention of many in my small town. I was not wrong.

This statement might seem sad or poignant to those reading this newsletter, but I don’t remember it like that. I was aware that I was ‘supposed’ to be interested in many subjects that some of my peers seemed obsessed about, but I yearned to talk about books, films and anything fantastical. I had a good friend who was similarly books obsessed, so I was not entirely alone.

When you’re younger you are still getting to grips with the multitudes of your nature, and so much of that can be confusing. Learning to like and stand up for yourself, especially in the face of opposition or rejection, is a huge part of growing up. Figuring yourself out is a gradual revelation, some of it glimpsed early, but much of it arriving through experience of interacting with people and the world. A lot of these lessons can be difficult or heart-breaking, but you know who gets you through the hard parts: friends.

And not all of them are human.

Yes, when you’re having a tough time, having a feline or canine companion², can be the best sight when you walk in the door, fed-up and despairing.

The portrait of Mary Elizabeth Francis and her unnamed feline friend, painted by her father, John F. Francis, in 1840.

I write this as someone who doesn’t currently live with an animal friend, but I’ve been lucky to have cats and dogs (and canaries!) in my life many times. I also know people whose worlds have been massively improved by sharing their home with a pooch or moggie.

Generally, I don’t like to use the word pet. It doesn’t evoke the magnitude of the connection that animals can offer people. On the other hand, I also know people who have never lived with pets and view the idea of keeping them in their home as heresy. They are less likely to understand the strength of the bond people forge with their animals.

Yet, I’ve seen ‘no pets’ absolutists convert into dog or cat zealots once they encounter the animal that truly meshes with their personality.

People who have lived with multiple dogs or cats over the decades often speak of that one special one that ‘got them’. I know people who become teary-eyed when mentioning one of their departed pals. Since animals mostly have a shorter lifespan than us³, we are doomed to watch them pass out of our lives. We take them on understanding this contract because the benefits are so great.

Many years ago I heard a doctor being interviewed on the radio about how to have a healthier lifestyle. At the end, he added: “If I could write one prescription for improvement it would be: get a dog. They lower blood pressure, force you out of the house to exercise with them, and offer you companionship. They’re simply brilliant for people.’

One terrific example of the impact of a creature upon a life is gardener Tony Putman in England, and his gorgeous friendship with a local robin he called Bob. The duo were best known to many people on social media as ‘Putman and Robin’. I encountered his account on Instagram during the doldrums of 2020, and seeing his videos and photographs was an uplifting part of my day.

Through his engagement with this special bird, Putman expanded his interest in photography, learning a variety of skills including video editing. Soon he was posting online regularly and developed a dedicated audience. He began producing calendars and postcards. His friendship with Bob greatly enriched and opened up his life. The above video was made for the BBC after his account snagged their attention.

Sadly, ‘Mrs. Bob’, passed away late last year and Bob disappeared. He may simply have relinquished his territory, but he was near the end of his lifespan. One of his descendants, who Putman calls Bobbin, has flown in to take his place.

What’s fascinating to realise is that each animal has its own character, its likes and dislikes, and its favourites. This spans across species, as anyone who lives upon a farm will attest.

Another person to follow on social media is actor Sam Neill, who also owns the farm and vineyard Two Paddocks in New Zealand, where he spends six months of the year in between acting gigs. I love his array of animals — dogs, sheep, chickens, goats, pigs and a duck — which are named after his thespian chums. The animals are not always ‘cute’ and provide useful functions such as eating back the grass and producing manure. Humans and domestic animals have evolved together, and we’re at our best when we are in alignment, but it’s useful to remember that their nature is not the same as ours.

Plus, what doesn’t come up sometimes is that animals can be persnickety. It’s a testament to our human need to be liked that if we’re an animal lover it’s deeply upsetting to encounter the creature that either ignores or actively dislikes you. You can rationalise the idiotic blowhard who talks over you in meetings, but what about that cat that stalks out of the room every time you enter? It’s a devastating judgement.

When I think of our long connection with animals I’m reminded of this beautiful poem, written by an anonymous scholarly monk in ninth-century Ireland.

Pangur Bán

Translated by Seamus Heaney

Pangur Bán and I at work,
Adepts, equals, cat and clerk:
His whole instinct is to hunt,
Mine to free the meaning pent.

More than loud acclaim, I love
Books, silence, thought, my alcove.
Happy for me, Pangur Bán
Child-plays round some mouse’s den.

Truth to tell, just being here,
Housed alone, housed together,
Adds up to its own reward:
Concentration, stealthy art.

Next thing an unwary mouse
Bares his flank: Pangur pounces.
Next thing lines that held and held
Meaning back begin to yield.

All the while, his round bright eye
Fixes on the wall, while I
Focus my less piercing gaze
On the challenge of the page.

With his unsheathed, perfect nails
Pangur springs, exults and kills.
When the longed-for, difficult
Answers come, I too exult.

So it goes. To each his own.
No vying. No vexation.
Taking pleasure, taking pains,
Kindred spirits, veterans.

Day and night, soft purr, soft pad,
Pangur Bán has learned his trade.
Day and night, my own hard work
Solves the cruxes, makes a mark.

Though the centuries and technology may change, it is amazing to consider that humans and their relationship to animals have changed very little.

While I have only touched upon the emotional bond, some animals provide active services for people, including transport, rescue services, guidance, and support for people with disabilities. There are many therapeutic programmes that match inmates in prison with dogs that need care and/or specialised training. Such as Pawsitive Change in California, which matches prisoners with dogs rescued from kill shelters, so humans and dogs can each learn to care and trust again. I’m always touched by how animals give people permission to be vulnerable in a way they may find difficult with fellow humans.

Another inspiring initiative in Ireland is the Pups in Prison project, in which prisoners in Shelton Abbey train dogs for the charity, Dogs for Disabled, which places trained therapy dogs with children facing a range of emotional and physical challenges.⁴

When our view of humanity is shaken, and the world looks bleak, it’s helpful to remember that there are people (and animals) who are making positive changes.

Consider this your Valentine’s Day card!

With all my love,

Maura

‘The Dogs of St. Bernard’ by George Baxter, c 1824–1867

1. Newsflash: all holidays are invented.

2. Some people live with birds, hamsters, ferrets, rabbits, pigs, lizards, snakes, spiders, etc. And there are those who keep horses, ponies, donkeys, etc.

3. Tortoises, aside…

4. The programme started in Australia back in 2002.